(1) Why most relationships/marriages don't work in today's society.
Ok... if you think on it, most relationships/marriages historically have placed the male in the role of "provider" and the female as the "nuturer." Thus, the female (historically) has felt an obligation (societal/personal/religious mores) to "allow" the male to be "dominant" in the relationship (e.g., "A man's home is his castle," "bringing home the bacon/sizzlelean) and therefore the "female" has "deferred"opinion/concern (whatever) to the male as a result (You're either yawning, saying, "Tell me something I don't already know;" or even, "Yes dammit. Yes. YES! That's exactly how it's supposed to be!) Now-a-days, it would seem that in the vast majority of relationships both partners have a job where neither is doing the whole June Cleaver pearl-wearing, milk & cookies-after-school thing. As a result, the female is not inherently dependent on the male as a provider... hell she's out huntin' the big game with the "King of the Castle" too. She may also bring in more "game" (read: $$) into the relationship and therefore may be a teench reluctant at the end of the day to "fetch the slippers, fix dinner, bathe the kid(s), put 'em all in bed and oh by the way, give me a blowjob while I'm watching Monday Nite football." Anymore, the most likely response to that would be: "I've had a hard day too." Translated means: "Get it yourself; fix it yourself; they'll do it themselves and take care of it yourself." Women are wanting to be taken care of nutured too. Women want men to treat us equally but also treat us as females (not like a passive species that just happens to be there at a time of convenience). Yes, I know it's a contradiction. Generally women have jobs, work the same number of total weekly hours (if not more) as their male counterparts-- and instead of feeling as though they can return to the bosom of their family with the understanding that the equalivalent of a beer/tv remote in hand while sitting in the Barcolounger (which may be defined as relaxing UNDISTURBED in a bathtub), well, non-existant. I can guaranandamntee ya that it ain't cookin' vittles, washing a "quick" load of clothes (is there any such thing as a quick load? It takes the same time to do as a "slow" load."), helping with homework, combing gum out of hair and the myraid of other things that occur in the evening hours. Granted... this is a generalization; the roles could be reversed but it's kinda like a unicorn ... you know it may exist but no one has ever really seen it. Ergo, since in today's society we are all forced to work (generally speaking) in some capacity or another, overall, women's self-reliance has increased and the all consuming need to swallow, rather than spit, has diminished exponentially as a result. If I was a betting woman, I'd bet that the 1800's woman married to some farmer who got a wild hair to go "out west" to farm/settle, would've divorced/left her hay-chewin' husband and headed back to town (where there may've been running water and you didn't have to dig in the fields with a baby on your tit)- 'fore the sun went down on his ass; no brainer. Not many women out there would HONESTLY rather (in a comparasion) "be" Laura Ingalls instead of Miss Kitty.
(2) Why all of the whine-assin' about not being in a relationship?
When the hell did people stop trying to make themselves happy first? Have folks forgotten a fundamental principle about being happy themselves, not relying on another for happiness... one of those "ya just gotta reach out and grab it by the balls things" that no one else can do (or is responsible) for ya? You ask and folks will tell you: "I want to marry someone. I want to marry my best friend." I just have to tell you, it's highly doubtful that occurs on a routine basis like this. It may happen and it may work like that for some; I tend to think that people can't separate love/lust and can't see further than the penis that they own or are "using." So like yourself first before you start inviting others into the misery of your own making; in the end, you'll be miserable and so will they. Sucks to be on the receiving end of either part of that stick.
(3) What the hell is up with feeling as though you have to make excuses for or justifying being single?
Who cares? Be happy with yourself and the hell with what other people think, or don't. This also goes along with being true to yourself. Sometimes folks get all creative and "pretend" (yes, I said pretend) to be someone they are not while dating in the hopes of lasso-ing that big hunk o' man (or woman) and sealing the deal. I have one question for you: What the hell are you doing? Any moron can get married. It takes a lot more effort, work and compromise to be in a real relationship. If you're making shit up about yourself, you're no where near ready to be in a relationship with anyone-- including yourself (you are after all lying to yourself, right? So if you can't be honest with yourself, who the hell can you be honest with?).
(4) I'm miserable because I'm single (variation: I need a wo/man to make me feel complete) and if I were married/in a monogamous relationship I'd feel more positive.
Bullshit. See number 3. You'd still be the same miserable shit you are now except you'd be sharing it with the one that you supposedly "love." I understand being depressed and yes, there are times in everyone's life that people get depressed. What I don't understand (or have patience for) is chronic depression (these are the folks that are depressed for YEARS). People who are chronically depressed do nothing but piss me off. They're wallowing in self-pity, egocentricism... and selfishness. "WHOOOAAA is MEEEEE." Get yourself some help; life is too short to be depressed for most of it. Succinctly: let whatever issue that's got or has had you by the balls for the last 20 years go or get help for it... shut up about it and move the hell on.
As for me, I don't have all of the answers and don't pretend to know. I'm not Dr. Phil or Oprah or any one else that is licensed to give advise (solicited or not). I've not been married for 50 years (and probably won't be); but I do know this... I'm not settling for something or someone that isn't right for me. If Prince Charming comes along on his trusty steed-- fabulous. If not, I'm hip to that as well. Relationships regardless of the kind, shape or form should not define the individual and be the center of the universe and raison d'etre. Relationships are important to us as humans; my attempt is to not devalue them here but instead re-emphasize one of the most important relationships that we have is with ourselves... "to thine own self be true" and oftentimes we're not. We're accustomed to fast food, fast cures, quickie marriages and divorces... I think that a lot of folks operate on the premise that being in a relationship will "fix" whatever is wrong in their lives when instead, over time, it simply magnifies them...
So what's your take on the state of relationships now-a-days?
Labels: Relationships
